What a weekend.  Not only did I regain airflow in both nostrils for the first time in two weeks and enjoy a delightful new enchilada recipe courtesy of Mrs. SportDork, but those NFL divisional playoff games weren't half bad either.

Once again, I had my notebook out, diligently documenting each moronic utterance coming from the TV.  However, halfway through the second game, Mrs. SportDork sat down next to me and delicately explained that no one wanted to read another bitter, ranting, 6,000+ word entry detailing every bit of flawed announcing from the weekend.  Lucky for you, I trust my editor, so I agreed to keep the ranting (and the word count) at a reasonable level this week.  Plus, the brevity of this week's entry will give you a chance to finish reading last week's manifesto.

Here I am, moments before Mrs. SportDork took away my notepad.  Ignore the wine, beer and champagne glass in the background.  I get parched watching football.

So, the Packers come storming back from fourteen down to take out the Seahawks, the Patriots dispose of the Jaguars with surgical precision, the Chargers find a way to beat the Colts without their starting quarterback and running back, and the Giants go into Dallas and knock off the NFC's number one seed, confirming that it's tough to beat the same team three times in a row.  Just another ho-hum week in the NFL.

Green Bay 42, Seattle 20

From a personal standpoint, this was by far the most impactful game of the weekend, because it gave me clarity surrounding my future career.  I know what you're thinking - "Please don't tell me that you still think you have a shot at playing quarterback in the NFL after watching thirty-eight year old Brett Favre tear up the Seahawks."  Not to worry, my friends.  I gave up that dream last week after the armpit-smelling-torn-back-muscle fiasco.  No, an NFL try-out is not in my future.  That's because when Mrs. SportDork and I get back from England, I'm going to meteorology school!!

I am now convinced that there is no better job in the world than that of a meteorologist.  As far as I can tell, you study a bunch of charts and graphs and satellite photos, and then you go out and guess what the weather's going to be like tomorrow.  You're right roughly thirty percent of the time, but so are all your colleagues, so you never get fired.  How many other jobs offer you the ability to consistently incorrectly predict the next day's events and pay you for it?  What a gig.  It looks like the toughest part is standing in front of that blank blue screen and making sure that when you're talking about the blizzard in the Northeast, you're not pointing at Mexico.  I think I'll start practicing my moves as soon as I finish up today's entry.

Leading up to this game, every website, every prognosticator, everybody who wrote anything about this game mentioned how unusual it was that two of this weekend's games were being played outdoors in the North, and yet there was absolutely no expectation of poor weather in either Green Bay or Foxboro.  My only question is this: HOW CAN YOU BE THAT WRONG????  Don't misunderstand me - I was thrilled to watch a classic playoff battle in a snowstorm/blizzard, and I picked the Packers in my pool, so everything came up roses for me.  I just have trouble understanding how a group of professionals who get paid to predict the following day's weather using the latest technology can be that wrong.  I've come to the conclusion that I no longer understand the value of the service they provide, unless it's to piss you off to no end when you're standing under the awning of your local Subway soaking wet while your two umbrellas and a raincoat are resting comfortably back at the house because you were told there was "no chance of rain" today.  That being said, it sure sounds like great work if you can get it.  Time to go get a spray tan and do some sit-ups, although I have a feeling that no matter what I do, people are still going to prefer getting the game-day weather from FOX's Jillian Barberie.

Add pec implants to the list.

Congrats to the Packers for weathering the storm of early Seattle touchdowns (that one was so bad that I had to use it), regaining their composure and running (Ryan Grant had 201 rushing yards - I can't stop myself) away with it.

Daryl Johnston was in rare form in the broadcast booth from the start.  I enjoyed his enthusiastic call of "Great hit!!" when Ryan Grant fumbled for the second time in the first three minutes of the game as a result of what looked to be nothing more than a routine tackle.  But that one wasn't nearly as entertaining as when he announced "That's a good spot!" after a critical third down play that left the Packers short of a first down - a spot that was challenged after Brett Favre saw the play on the Lambeau Field Jumbotron and convinced the coach to challenge it.  The call was reversed, the ball was adjusted, and the additional yardage gave the Packers a first down.  Nice to know that Brett Favre, who happened to be busy playing in the game, could tell that the spot was wrong, but Daryl Johnston, whose only job is to announce the game, thought the spot was just fine.

Johnston also had me rolling when he blurted out, while referring to one of the Packers defenders, "Boy he's got great range for a young guy!"  As opposed to an old guy, who you'd expect to have great range??  I'm confused.

And finally, his best quote was, "Unbelievable story with Brian Grant this season."  Yeah, Daryl, it was so unbelievable that you'd think you would know that his first name is Ryan, not Brian.

New England 31, Jacksonville 20

Anybody know when this one was over?  And no, "before it started" is not the answer I'm looking for.  With 4:14 left in the third quarter, New England up 21-14, and Jacksonville at the New England twenty-one yard line with a third and eleven, the fate of this game was decided.  Garrard drops back to pass, New England brings an all out blitz, and a milli-second before New England defenders take out Gerrard, he launches one of the most perfectly thrown balls I have ever seen down the middle of the field toward Dennis Northcutt, who is running a post toward the endzone and has his defender beaten by a step.  Asante Samuel is closing on Northcutt from the other side, and will arrive only seconds after the ball gets to him, but the ball is thrown so perfectly that it slips into Northcutt an instant before the trailing defender has caught up to him and also before Samuel has reached him from the other side.  It's going to be a touchdown, and one of the greatest throws I have ever seen a quarterback make in the playoffs.  That is, until Northcutt, clearly sensing Samuel baring down on him, glances up at the last second as the ball is approaching, presumably in anticipation of the hit he is going to take, and fails to fully extend his arms to make the catch.  The ball bounces off one of Northcutt's hands as he begins to duck his head to avoid the hit from the oncoming Samuel and falls to the ground, leaving Jacksonville with a fourth and eleven instead of a touchdown and a tie-game. 

Your quarterback is back there standing in the pocket, willing to get his head taken of, and you're pulling one of the worst "alligator-arm" moments in playoff history?  I'm surprised Del Rio let him on the plane after the game.  If that's all they require out of wide-outs in Jacksonville, maybe my NFL dream isn't dead after all!!

A few critical moments define the outcome of playoff games, and this one was no exception.  You often hear players talk about playoff games and championships coming down to who wanted it more, and this was a perfect example of why the Patriots are playing to go to The Super Bowl this weekend, and the Jaguars are cleaning out their lockers.


San Diego 28, Indianapolis 24

Did you see Philip Rivers taunting the Indy fans as he was going to the locker room to get his knee looked at in the second half?  How about the yelling match he got into with Indy fans behind the Chargers bench at the end of the game?  This guy is all class.

I hate to do it, but I've got to give him credit for playing a great game - particularly considering they were without L.T. for most of it. 

I'm still not entirely sure how Indy lost the game.  Two Manning interceptions off of deflections inside of San Diego's twenty yard line and a lost fumble by Harrison in Charger territory didn't help.  It just seemed like there was some kind of strange mojo working against the Colts that was destined to keep them from winning the game.  When Billy Volek comes in the game and directs the game winning drive for the Chargers, you know you're playing two opponents - the Chargers, and the mojo.  I haven't seen a game like that in as long as I can remember - where you just sense that no matter what a team does, they aren't going to win.  I got the feeling in the fourth quarter that San Diego could have pulled their entire defense off the field, and Reggie Wayne probably still would have fumbled the ball out of the back of the endzone on his way in for an uncontested touchdown.  Beware of the mojo.  It's powerful stuff.

N.Y. Giants 21, Dallas 17

I sure hope Cancun was fun.

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Last week's entry was so long that I didn't even have a chance to make my SportDork NFL Pick Of The Week!!!  In honor of the conference championship games this Sunday (and because I know you want it), I have decided to pick both games.  Who wants a new car???

San Diego + 14.5 @ New England
If I have to watch two weeks of special interest stories on Philip Rivers before the Super Bowl and how much passion and enthusiasm he has for the game (i.e, he's an over-bearing hothead), I may hurt someone.  This is why I fully expect it to happen.  Billy Volek and Michael Turner lead the Chargers to the Super Bowl!  Wait a minute.  Billy Volek and Michael Turner?  Who am I kidding.  There's no way the Chargers win this game.  I have a funny feeling, though, that they will keep it close.  Not "Oh my God it looks like the Chargers are going to win this game" close.  More like "If the Chargers can just stop the Patriots on this drive and score they might be right back in this thing" close.  I see the Chargers losing by fourteen to a Patriots team that views them as an inconvenient annoyance on their way to the Super Bowl, and therefore disposes of them very efficiently, but without expending too much energy. 

Green Bay - 7 vs. N.Y. Giants
I realize that there are other players on the field, but for me this one comes down to one question:  Is Brett Favre seven points better than Eli Manning?  Hello?  Is Carmen Electra seven points hotter than Janet Reno?

Eli turns into a pumpkin at Lambeau, and Favre and Brian - I mean, Ryan - Grant carry the Packers to the Super Bowl.  I realize that picking against Eli almost guarantees that he will morph into his older brother and throw for three-hundred and fifty yards and four touchdowns, but it's a chance I'm willing to take.  Go Pack.

On the dork front, Mrs. SportDork and I took a trip to Paris recently and hit the Louvre.  It was my first time, but I immediately noticed a theme:

Penises for everyone!!!!!!